I really want to tell you :

This morning we're chatting at office, you said tonight you will go to movie with your friend x and her bf if they are free. I asked, no money for living but has money for movie? you send me an angry sign and said you get a free ticket from x. She always get her free ticket to you. I asked you, she didn't give it to her bf? you didn't asnwer, maybe you overlooked coz i asked you another question, i asked whether she also join you or not. You said still not sure, but her sister will join. As i know if her sister will join the chance for her to also join is very very big. I had a bad mood already, feel sad. Why not tell me about her? only told me about x and her bf? because she's still not sure yet? but you said will go with x and her bf if they are free, that mean they also still not sure. When i asked you that, you just answer, they will go, coz you know x, but you didn't answer my question. She is your soulmate, one of comment on your blog said so. I told you, she is your soulmate. Do you know how i feel? Have a nice weekend. Bye. And i just log out. I went to toilet and cry. You sms said, that's not what you said. that is other person said, and i take it as a holy bible.

When you are alone stay at home whole day, when you went to cafe alone whole day. I feel sad, i thought it's ok you're with her, i don't mind. But if you really went out with her, i always feel sad and my heart keep saying you're happy with her, that make me more sad and hurt. Everytime you said you will went out with her, for movies, for cafe. I just feel very sad and i will had a bad communication with you, make you angry, make you upset. So maybe slowly i will let you go, so you will not suffer from me and i'm not give you bad day. I try to remember what you said you like and dislike. I try to give what you like and not did what you don't like. When someone get what they like, they're happy. That's why i'm trying to give you what you said you like, i told you about this on our chat today. We had a bad ending chat today.

I promised to send you money today. Do you know i was so lucky? I thought i cannot make it, the place closed at 8 pm and i arrived there only a few minutes before it closed and no queque. Amazing, usually i need to queque for at least 10 people. And another lucky thing is, while waiting for colleague finish her job, i force myself to count my money, i told myself, quesera sera. And wow i still have a bit more after i deduct all bills, but of course it's under minimum limit, so bank will charge me for that. I told you can send only $200, but i sent you $300. I'm happy :)
I sent you email to give you the slip number so you can cash the money there, but i didnt sms or leave you offline. You must be on movie with friends watching 'the dark knight' i guess, so i dont want to disturb you and also not really feel want to contact you.

Today you get your new macbook and you're very happy. Saturday, sunday is your day with friends. Well, please be happy. I'm not happy doesn't mean you have to. I want you happy. I want to spend everyday with you, but that is impossible. Almost everytime when i was writing blog i was crying, feel sad.

This is what i want to tell you today.