I really want to tell you :

09.07.08 we didn't chat at that night, i've been waiting for you 10.30 pm my time and i sms you but no reply. I wait till 11 pm and i sms you again said i'll go to sleep, if you not free you can just tell me. And at the middle of the night i got sms from you saying did you get my sms? i left modem at office, sorry :(. The next day you told me after work you went out to meet her sister, you didn't say her, but usually her sister is with her. You said her sister need advice after met for a while you just went back home. Why everytime you're with her i always didn't get sms that you said you've sent?

It seem you still get used to it not tell, we have big argue about this before if you still remember. You said you get used to it not tell and keep it for yourself and i said, for me that mean you're convenience of being alone or you not trust me to share or you don't want to share or i'm not a right person to share. I know you will not agree, but that is how i feel. I get used to it to tell you everything, but i'm trying not to, i'm trying to keep everything for myself like before i knew you. Today i went out with friend who had a visit here and i didn't tell you.

You said you posted new photos in your blog, before i meet my friend i read your blog, your answer on her comment make me feel sad, i went to toilet at office and cry. It's just very simple, you said after you had your first salary, she will pick the photo she like and you will go with her to get photo framed. Seem you promised/talked about this to her before. My eyes are swallen and hurt coz i cry to much.

You write about your previous visit here with me and you said i'm a very very good friend. You said for you a very very good friend mean someone special. I said why not just write someone special, because you know your friends will read your blog, that's why you didn't write it that way or maybe there's shameful about me that's why you try to hide. You said you didn't try to hide me and there's no shameful thing. A very very good friend is what come in your mind, that's why you write it that way and you say next time you will write as someone special. You said you try not to write anything personal on your blog. Well, i see it as, it's your style to tell story about your life, and you're visit another country, it's very common you tell a story about it, it's just very you. And you know what? Your second visit here, you didn't write anything about it, you just write you had another chance to come here with your business class flight paid by company. My heart was hurt and i cried, i try to ignore it, and i didn't tell you anything about this, i don't want to remind you about someone special we had talked before. I want you to be happy, if you are happy this way, let it be this way.

Since you go back there, we not send sms as much as before. I don't know your reason. My reason is i had not enough money this month and i want to give you more freedom. But i don't know why i always cry everytime i know you went out with her, and mostly i know because i asked you and mostly i know after you went out with her, not before. If you tell me before you going out with her, i feel ok coz i know where you are. But if you tell me because i asked or after you went out with her, i just feel very sad, and when i sad, i cry.

This is what i want to tell you today.